Day 43: 25 Days Since Europe

I’ve been staying with my sister at her house in Florida and enjoying the quality time with family. I awoke this morning with an odd feeling though. Negative is the first word that springs to mind. Everyone was still asleep at the moment. I was always the first one up; That’s my dog’s fault. After I took my dog out to do her business in the backyard, I revisited the sofa and grabbed the Playstation controller nearby. I held down the center button on the controller and the console started up. As the game’s menu appeared on the television screen, a familiar feeling settled back into my being. A negative force, that’s the only way I can describe it. The person I was before leaving for Europe was digging beneath my skin. An internal battle started.

I can’t do this, I thought. I can’t be this person anymore. Not even my body will allow this guy to come back. The cute blonde girl I had drinks with in Rome mentioned that our bodies fully transform every 7 years. Our body’s old cells are completely taken over by new ones, she told me. How much truth there was to this, I don’t know, and my research hasn't brought me much closer to a conclusive answer but I felt she was correct. I certainly thought I was feeling it at this moment.

I stood up from the sofa and dressed myself in basketball shorts, fingerless gloves and a cut-off Dragon Ball Z shirt. I proceeded to work out in the garage. Cardio, ab exercises, weight-lighting, and whatever else I could possibly do to feel as though I was pushing myself beyond what I’d expected before I started working out. And I wanted that. I realized I needed that. Everyday. Without excuse.

I came back into the house drenched in sweat, proceeded to read the news and finish my Batman comic. Then, continued my research on the script I started in Europe and made a ton of progress in Act II. I could feel the person I found in Europe settle back into my being, especally after writing this. I had to earn the person I like being. The man I truly want to be, for myself and my family, I had to fight for it. Hard. Every single day. And then even harder the following day.

I got my nerve back and went above it today; I’ll do it again tomorrow and again the next day…